We Were Made to Hold on

Courtney Malone Photography

We are three weeks in as a family of four and we've been extremely fortunate to have many family members and friends come to love on us over the last few weeks. For me, it is one of the best parts of bringing baby home. With that said, I happen to have a couple of close friends who are weeks away from joining the "Family of Four Club." Naturally, they are very curious how it is really going. One of them jokingly remarked that it seemed like everything was going perfectly based on my Instagram posts. That was when it hit me that I had something more to share. 

Let's backtrack to week one of bringing home baby #2. We came home from the hospital on July 4th. For those of you who don't know, we have another daughter, Julia, who is 2 years and 8 months old. We intricately planned the logistics of how we'd bring baby home so that our oldest would assume her role as "Big Sis." We made sure she was at the hospital with us and that she rode home in the car and even helped carry the baby over the threshold. We wanted her to feel established and big and important. We were home only a few minutes before chaos ensued. Julia got out the baby play mat, laid under it, and reverted back to a full-blown, cooing, babbling baby. Our extremely verbal, capable toddler was acting just like an infant. You hear stories about kids reverting...but this...this was unreal. 

That same afternoon, I was doing my best to get the hang of breastfeeding without the support of a remote-controlled hospital bed. Having had a second c-section, sitting on the couch to feed was awkward and uncomfortable. As I am leading that ring of the circus, Julia begins to require one-on-one attention from her daddy. For the past two months, she has refused to poo in the potty OR in her diaper. She withholds for up to six days until it is painful. Well, homecoming day was one of those special, painful days. It lasted for three hours (whining, cramping, repeat) until she finally went. Homecoming day concluded as Julia and Chris watched fireworks from the driveway, and I was able to see a few out the living room window from my swivel chair as I fed the babe. 

I don't remember much about the next day. Late the following evening (around 1:30 am) Chris took his temperature and discovered he had a fever of 102.3. I, of course, banished him to the man cave to sleep and called my mom in the middle of the night to come help me. We changed the sheets and she slept over with me, helping with diaper changes every couple of hours. My mother-in-law immediately drove from the lake the next morning and picked up Julia. She took her to stay at the lake for a couple of days. Meanwhile, Chris went to the doctor the next day only to find out that he has some kind of virus that causes chills, fever, skin sensitivity, and loss of appetite. He had to stay away from baby for 48 hours post fever, so he spent his nights at his parent's house. He and Julia were finally able to rejoin us on Sunday. 

Fast forward to the second week where we ended up taking a middle-of-the-night trip to the ER for some (what turned out to be minor) complications. My mom, once again, came rushing over in the middle of the night to stay with Julia. From 2:00 am-6:00 am I had blood work and ultrasounds. In the midst of all that, I had to breastfeed an infant in my emergency room bed with an IV in one arm. It was laughable. After I was discharged, we stopped at McDonalds for  biscuit at sunrise and went straight home to sterilize ourselves and the baby. Truly, we just had to laugh.

As I think back on some of the sweet moments in all the aforementioned chaos, I remember my brother meeting Ilaria for the first time. As a doctor, he can't help but put his skills to use and check for things like infant reflexes. As he checked the grasp reflex, her tiny fingers instantly wrapped around his. It has stuck with me since then that we were literally made to hold on. From the beginning, one of our first instincts is to cling on. It is not the first time that this little phenomenon has left me inspired (read here). We were made to hold on. We need each other. We need our parents. We need our friends. Babies need their mommies. Mommies need their babies. We were made to hold on and we were made to  love and be loved. It was definitely not a mistake, but a tiny hint from God, that we come into the world with this need, literally.

Metaphorically speaking, we were also made to hold on. When life gets tough, we have to hold on. When life is really good, we joyfully hold on. On a roller coaster, through all the dips and whirls, you naturally grasp tightly. We hold on in gratitude, and we hold on in the expectation that we will continue to have something to grasp. Having something to cling to can also always be equated to the promise that we never walk alone.  

So, I guess you can say we've held on in the last few weeks and, honestly, it has been really, really good. We've had friends bring us meals and stay to keep us company. We've had great medical care. We've had family step in and care for us without question - at any hour. And, we have a beautiful new daughter to wrap her tiny fingers around ours and remind us (in case we almost forgot) that we were made for one another and to hold on. 

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Psalm 129:13