Strong For Her Tasks - a letter to Julia

My Sweet Julia,

Today is my last day of maternity leave with you. I have been dreading this day since before you were even born. To be honest, I never could really imagine myself as a "working mom" but God has a different plan.

I have adored caring for you each and every day, uninterrupted. You have somehow had a way of slowing me down but speeding my life up drastically - it's the strange time continuum of having a new baby and becoming a new mama. How has it been 10 weeks? I love each moment - the smiles and the cries, dressing you up and hanging up your laundry to dry, rocking you to bed and being greeted each morning by your sweet, rested eyes, breast feeding and pumping. I love putting little hats on you and tucking you in a warm blanket before we leave the house. I love crafting new headbands for your tiny head. I loved holding you and calming you down after first doctor visits. I loved that first time I took you to the Fresh Market and nearly knocked everyone down in our path with bucket seat in one arm and the grocery basket in the other. I loved introducing you to everyone and having friends and family in and out constantly. I still clearly remember the first time I was sure you really saw me for the first time. I loved blocking the rest of my world out to focus on you.

I want you to know, though, that I am going to work for a reason. I am going to help provide for our family. I am going to teach twenty children how to read and give them a safe, fun, and nurturing place to learn. I am on a mission while I am not with you. You, my child, have a mission too. You get to know and spend time with your Mams, Dee Dee, and your Daddy. God has given you this very special time to get to bond with your grandmothers and your Daddy. As much as I am going to miss you each day and look back on this time with much nostalgia and fondness, I am also going to be grateful. We have been given MANY blessings.

Your Daddy reminded me, as I was in tears about this time of transition, that I have to choose to be positive. He's so right. You will have hard times in your life and you really do have to choose to be positive. My mind was flooding with all the seemingly impossible tasks. How can I be a great teacher and leave at or before 4pm? How will the house stay clean? How will I continue to breastfeed and pump for you? How will I get ready and out the door each morning? How will I have time to cook and enjoy our family in the evenings?  He reminds me that I am a strong woman. God reminds me that I am a strong woman and that women are made to be pretty darn incredible creatures (see Proverbs 31:10-31).

I am sure that in a few weeks, it will still be challenging. I will still miss you and wonder what you are doing when I am not around. But, the coolest thing, Julia, is that I will always be your mama. No one will ever replace me. Our bond is like nothing I have ever experienced. I am so in awe of you and pinch myself every day to make sure you aren't a dream. You really are such a miracle. Please know, little one, that I love you so very much. Today may be my last day of this very special time called maternity leave but it's still just at the start of this awesome journey as your mama.

Love,

 Your Mommy

For Now

For Now

your hands

have never

picked a flower

gripped an ice cream cone

opened a book

examined a seashell

tossed a ball

twirled your hair

pointed across the way

kept a beat

wiped a tear

painted wildly

clapped in delight

written a letter

captured a bug

maneuvered a wheel

put on a dress

helped you shout

splashed in the lake

squeezed a teddy

turned on a light

rolled out some dough

petted a kitten

dropped something

reached for a hug

but

they hold mine tightly, for now.

Happy 2 Months, lady Julia! Mama loves you so.